* "I worry that the person who thought up Muzak maybe thinking
up something else." -- Lily Tomlin
* "I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the
great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." -- Winston Churchill
* "Let's do it the hard way, just for kicks." -- Anonymous Algebra
* I find it useful to inform an opponent who is lining up a 4-foot putt
that under the metric system widely used in other countries, it's actually
a putt of just over 1,200 millimeters." -- Actor Leslie Nielsen's "Stupid
Little Golf Book"
*"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators
would be dead." -- Johnny Carson
* "I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them
above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'" --
* "The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out,
it's just sort of a tired feeling." -- Paula Poundstone
*"Football is not a contact sport; it is a collision sport. Dancing
is a contact sport." -- Vince Lombardi
* "Love is Grand -- Divorce is 20 Grand" -- Anon
* "Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors."
-- Tom Snyder
* "Strangely enough, this is the past that somebody in the future is
longing to go back to." -- Ashleigh Brilliant
* "There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first
for seven hours, they always come out tender." -- W.C. Fields
* "You're in charge, but don't touch the controls." -- Russian
cosmonauts to our (America's) astronaut Shannon Lucid when they left her
on Mir to go on their space walk.
* "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part
of your life." -- Brooke Shields, said to demonstrate why she should
become spokesperson for the federal anti-smoking campaign.
* "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crive
rates in the country." -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
* "On Criticisn: "That low-down scoundreln deserves to be kicked
to death by a jackass - and I'm just the one to do it." -- Congressional
candidate in Texas
* Wish -- To end all the killing in the world... Hobbies -- Hunting and
fishing. -- from personal statistics of California Angel Bryan Harvey, flashed
on the scoreboard at Anaheim Stadium
* "Thank God for making reality, and for giving us means of escaping
from it." -- Ashleigh Brilliant
* "Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day." -- Harry S. Truman